The Narnia of Panera: The Hidden Menu

Did you know that there is a whole ‘nother world out there?  I’m not talking about on Mars or poor little Pluto… I’m talking Panera.  

Did you know that Panera has a “Hidden Menu” available to their guests?  Yeah, me neither.  I take that back, actually I did know.  Michael told me about it months ago and I just thought he was making it up.  Because I’m super gullible.  And because really, why would a restaurant have a top secret menu, with HEALTHIER FOOD OPTIONS (yes!! it’s paleo!!) and keep it a secret?!

Today I decided it was time.  Time to learn if this secret was legit.  I had a new client consult (whom I booked for a January event!!) at Panera.  Since I got there a bit early and decided I would find out if this “secret menu” existed or if Michael is really good at bluffing.

What’s a girl to do when she is too afraid to ask someone working there about it?  She finds a table and googles.  It totally exists!  Michael wasn’t just making this up!  So I gathered up all my belongings and fumbled my way up to the lady at the register.  Here’s how this went down:

Panera Lady:  Good morning!  What can I get you?

Me:  {wondering if I need to whisper this or not…} Um….  I’d like something off the Secret Menu please.  {I may or may not have winked at her… not the wink like I’m trying to pick you up, but the I-know-you-have-a-secret-menu-wink.}

Panera Lady:  Okay, what would you like?

Me:  So it does exist!!!  {Followed by a pause and I guarantee an awkward suz grin.}  {In my mind, I see the M&M commercials where Red says “He does exist!” and Santa says “THEY DO EXIST!” Then they both pass out.}

Panera Lady:  Yes ma’am.  What can I get you?  {There was a line forming.  And she wasn’t nearly as amazed and/or excited about this secret menu as I was.}

Me:  I’d like the Beef Breakfast Bowl.  {Good thing I googled, she didn’t give me any hints about what was actually on the menu…}

Panera Lady:  That’s not on the secret menu.

Me:  What?!  But I just googled it!! {Suz = loud and shouty and embarrassed.}

Panera Lady:  You mean the “Power Breakfast Egg Bowl with Steak?”

Me:  {beginning to panic as the line gets longer and I am now realizing I have no clue how much the items on the secret menu are…}  Um yes, that sounds good.  With water.  For here.  In a big cup please, not that oversized shot glass size thing.  Please.  {Pretty positive I tried throwing her that awkward wink again…}

So I survived Panera’s version of Menu-Narnia.  I was really hoping that when I picked my meal up people would gawk at me and think “Man, look at her and that fancy-schmancy meal!  Where is that on the menu?!”  But no one cared.  Or even looked.  They were all just eating their delicious, non-secretive bagels.  

1.  The secret meals seem much healthier.  It’s so hard to find healthy, paleo friendly meals when you are out on the road.  These seem like awesome options.  And I’m pretty positive it should be preached from the mountain tops that a quick-service restaurant has healthy food available!
2.  Google the menu before you try to order.  They don’t help you out with the secrets on the menu when you mention it.  I honestly thought they’d pull out a paper with the secret menu written on it.  They didn’t.  So study up.
3.  Don’t wink or whisper.  They know it’s a secret.  But apparently it’s not a big-deal kinda secret.

4.  If you are Robin Sparkles, this is not available in your motherland.  Sorry.

Have you experienced the Panera Hidden Menu?  What did you think?  How did you learn about it?