Spilling my heart out on the last night in my house...

It's been a while friends.  It's been a crazy six months.  It's been six months of tears and fears.  And a tad bit of joy.  My mom actually said to me a few days ago "It's all gone down hill since Michael proposed hasn't it?"   

It's definitely been a roller coaster.  But...

Yes and no.  I had a dear friend from high school slap me in the face over the phone when I called her sobbing about how my life sucks.  I'm not going to get into the details, but she definitely reminded me about how life could be so much worse.  It was the wake up call that I needed.  But that doesn't mean it's easy to feel happy right now.

I'm no good at change.  I cannot even begin to explain how horrible I am at change.  Like no joke... I'm sure I would be better playing the piano with chopsticks while doing a headstand on a pogo stick and juggling fire balls at the same time.  Yes, fireballs.  Like the ones Mario shoots from his body after he runs into the flower. 

In the past six months I have not blogged because I was afraid I would say something that I would regret.  A lot of snarkiness has been dwelling in me.  I was let down and crushed by a company that I gave eight slash 23 years of my life.  A new boss lady harassed my mom, and even though we are no longer with "said company" she still leaves more than a "Harry & the Hendersons" sized footprint on both of our hearts.  I was upside down on my house and I had to sell it.  I quit my job of $50k (plus) for a few grand in 5 months.  I gave up my independence.  I rely on my mom and my fiance to pay my bills right now.  I had a friend whom I trusted, bail on me and hurt me in a way she will never know.  My fiance will be deployed in 10 days.  And now, I am in the midst of a move. Well, not so much midst... hopefully at the tail end of it.  (This said as I sit on the one single chair that is in my house in the middle of my living room watching the finale of The Office and the season finale of Grey's - with half a bottle of wine...)  

To say I have cried a lot is an understatement.  I'm pretty sure all those sleepless nights my parents had when I was a newborn and all the tears I shed during my childhood and high school years would not fill half the bucket needed to collect the tears I've shed in the past six months.  And now, it's time I find happiness.  

I had brunch with one of my bridesmaids a couple of weeks ago and was venting about life.  I told her that even though I am beginning to run my own wedding planning business fulltime and assist my mom in her real estate business (because let's be real, we make a damn good team) I still do not know what I want to be when I grow up.  

Her response:  My dad thinks you should be a writer.  He thinks you're hilarious. 

A week later I was at a wedding.  When a college friend /slash/ acquaintance, who I had not seen in probably seven years came up to me and said "You haven't blogged since that day in Switzerland and your engagement!  What's going on?!" I remembered the joy that blogging brought me.  And apparently other people.

I had no clue that either of these people were reading my blog and following along in the ups and downs of my life-tales and craft projects.  It made me feel good and confident for the first time in a while.  So here I am...

For the past week, I knew that writing one last blog post in the house I turned into a home all by myself, was super important to me.  You may not believe me, but I promised myself that I needed to close out this chapter of my life with some quiet time and a blog post.  

So here I sit.  On my pink chair.  In the middle of my living room.  All alone but here with you.  Spilling my heart out.

Tomorrow I will finish packing the last of my belongings and move them to Newport News, Virginia.  Not far (an hour) from home and my family, but far enough.  Really, it's not that far... you can't even watch a good solid Disney flick in an hour or less.  Not to mention I 100% believe that New Girl should be an hour long... so why shouldn't my commute?

Did I mention I will be 10 minutes from a Trader Joes?  Silver lining.  

Tomorrow marks the day that Michael will be my forever roommate and eventually (less than 6 months now) my husband.  {Even if he will be leaving 9 days after I move in.}  Tomorrow will be the day that my two cats hate me for about a week as they go into hiding in whichever nook they can find in their new house.  Tomorrow will be a day of chaos and change.  Two things that make me have panic attacks.   Tomorrow will be a day of tears for me... even though I know happiness, clarity, adjustments, organization and love are on the way.

Tomorrow will be bittersweet.

With that ladies and gents - it's time I go upstairs and wrap up some loose strings before snuggling into my bed with my fur-babies for the last time in this cute little, practically empty townhouse that taught me so much about myself.  

And since a blog post is lacking in it's awesome-ness when it is lacking in pictures... here's a few for you from today:

I had to laugh when his response was "I bet they thought you were crazy."

After all the paleo, delicious cookin' and parties that took place in this house, the fact that my last supper was WENDY'S breaks my heart just a bit.   The fact that it was sitting next to my dad, seven years after we "broke Wendy's bread" while working to paint, caulk, clean, and everything else needed to make this townhouse "Suz Approved" when I bought it made me happy.  Even if he thought I was nuts when I painted the entire downstairs yellow... :) 

U-Haul claims to make moving easier... but nothing really does... #movingmakesmecry

My pink chair.  In the middle of the living room.  There's gotta be a country song that starts like that... 

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter dear friends!  He is Risen!  

I wish you all a wonderful day (even if it is rainy and you cannot have a cut-throat egg hunt!) spent with family and friends!

Love to you all, In Christ and all his awesomeness,

Suz, Chloe & the two cats 

Going to the Chapel!

Once upon a time, Michael was dating a girl who was a crazy planner.  Not only did she plan just about everything for fun, but she was also a professional Wedding Planner.  

Michael deserves some sort of award for not only putting up with all of my obsessive wedding talk and hours spent on Pinterest, but he deserves an award for all the thoughtfulness, time and energy he put into planning the perfect proposal!  It takes a lot to out plan a planner... but he did it!

Here's how it all went down:

We had been talking about getting married for several months.  Michael even gave me permission to start planning, and to tell people we were "engaged to be engaged."  Whatever that means!  I told him that was silly.  Only crazy cat ladies actually start planning (and booking) their weddings without officially being engaged!  

I went to a conference for wedding vendors in DC with one of my great college friends.  On the way home we were talking about my "tentative" fall wedding.  She informed me that she (a wedding photographer) was starting to book up in the fall, and she was concerned that she would book something on the day we were supposedly going to be getting married.  I told her that I would talk to Michael... I too was getting worried, that if we wanted a fall wedding, places and vendors would be all booked up. 

I met Michael for lunch when I got back to Newport News.  I casually mentioned the conversation I had had with Katie... and how I was getting concerned.  I timidly threw out the idea of us just going to look at a few venues...  just so we were ready when we actually got engaged.  I told him I had a few places in mind, but there was one venue that I absolutely LOVED... The Historic Chamberlin at Fort Monroe.  

He calmly and casually said "Yeah, we could go check it out.  I have been wanted to go see Fort Monroe and the historic museum there anyway."  (Which he really had been talking about for several weeks...)  Testing the waters once again, I explained that I would have to call and make an appointment to tour the venue.  Again, he agreed that it would be okay, even though we weren't officially engaged.  

Then he changed the subject and said "Oh, that Christmas present finally came in for you... want to come to my house and get it?"  What girl doesn't love presents!? It was an easy subject change!  And I loved my NY Mets jersey that had David Wright's number on the back, with my last name BENJAMINSON on the top! 

Later that day I called The Chamberlin to set up an appointment.  I found out that she still had a couple of dates available in November and got very excited.  I told her that I was a local wedding planner, explained that I had seen the venue, but told her I wanted him to see the venue.  She asked me what my fiance's name was... I paused... trying to figure out if I should tell her that I was crazy and we weren't engaged... or just play it off and spell out G-E-O... 

I did what every crazy, non-engaged, wedding planner would do!  I spelled his name, booked the appointment for Thursday at 4pm, hung up the phone, and danced around my room because my first choice venue was still available!

Thursday January 24 arrived!  Michael was leaving for military work on Friday, so he told me that he had the day off.  He just had to go into work in the morning to drop off all of his bags and help wrap up a few work issues.  I planned to meet him at his house around lunch time and then we were going to head to explore Fort Monroe and the casement museum (ranked #3 on trip advisor's 'things to do on Hampton's page! Which is why he really wanted to go.)

Of course it was the coldest day of the year.  And we were planning to walk around a little island surrounded by the Chesapeake Bay.  We toured the museum and wandered a bit.  Then it was time to head to the Chamberlin for our appointment.  I was sure to keep my left hand in my pocket as much as possible, just in case the lady called me out on where my ring was!  

We toured the historic hotel... we saw the ballroom, some bridal suites, the lobby, the space for outdoor ceremonies and much more!  I was asking my normal wedding planner questions, and would ask Michael a few things here and there to see what he thought.  He didn't really have all that much to say.  To make me feel even worse, he really didn't even seem to care we were there!  My inner dialog went something like this... "He doesn't want to be here.  This was too soon.  I shouldn't have pushed him to come here.  This is stupid."

I asked the lady if we could see the rooftop solarium.  I had had meetings there in the past and loved that room.  It would be perfect for a rehearsal dinner and I wanted him to see it.  She informed me that they were wrapping up a meeting and getting it prepped for a 50th anniversary dinner for two of the residents - but that we could sneak up there to check it out real quick.  After going over the menu and the contract a bit (too thoroughly and slowly for my skill level... she was just dragging her feet!) it was time to go up to the rooftop before we headed out.  We got into the elevator and Michael began playing with his cell phone.  At this point I was really getting mad.  This poor lady was doing her best to give us a great tour and not only was he not paying attention, but he was messing around with his cell phone!  

When we got up to the room I saw the table set with champagne and flowers for the folks celebrating their 50th Anniversary.  We stepped outside to look at the view, but it was so cold I just wanted to go back inside.  The lady who was giving us the tour had a call on her walkie talkie.  She said she needed to run downstairs real quick, that we should look around, and she would be right back up in a minute.  

I looked at Michael and he is taking his coat off.  I said in my sarcastic manner "What are you moving in?!"  His response was "I'm just so hot.  It was cold outside.  But now I'm inside.  And I'm hot."  Ummm ok.

I was looking around and noticed a present on the table!  Here's how the conversation went down...

Me:  Michael look!  A present!  AND IT HAS MY NAME ON IT!

My Internal Thought Process:  WOW!  What great marketing!  They have a gift for me!  This is awesome.  Bridal goodies so that I will have my wedding here!  WOW She must have facebooked my company because the giftwrap is even purple and yellow.  She must have known I went to JMU.  Man this is awesome marketing!

Michael:  Open it!  

Me:  NO!  She hasn't given it to me!  You don't open presents before they are given to you.

Michael:  Well it has your name on it... you should open it.

Me:  No.  I'm not opening it until she gives it to me.  That's just rude.

At this point he has awkwardly pushed me in to the corner of the room with the present in his hand.  I was trying to escape when he started to pull the tissue paper out of the bag! 

Then I noticed a NY Mets jersey in the bag and immediately knew what was going on!  But how?!  (The jersey had HIS last name on it this time though!)

He got down on one knee and proposed.  The ring had been in his pocket all day long! 

My answer:  YES!  But how did this happen?!  I don't understand!!

He told me that he would explain it in a while, but first my sister was coming up to take pictures of us.  Leslie said that as she was walking down the hallway to meet us all she could hear was me saying "I don't understand!! I booked this appointment!!  How did this happen!??!"

We had a few photos taken, then we had dinner at the private table that I was told was for the couple celebrating their 50th anniversary!  It was for us all along!  Champagne, flowers, dinner, and dessert!  We had the whole room to ourselves!  It was amazing!

Little did I know, not only was the Chamberlin Lady in on this the entire time, but Michael had been planning this for about a month!  When I came home from DC and mentioned that we should go to The Chamberlin he freaked out!  The plan would work after all!  

Like I said... anyone who can out-plan a planner deserves an award.  :)  It was such an amazing evening and will be a great memory for the rest of our lives!

Private Dinner!  The entire room was reserved just for us!

Calling friends (more specifically Jess - who was screaming)

Team Geoghegan!

Champagne, Flowers, Dinner, a Fiance!!  It was terrific!

He done good... right ladies?!  :) 

*Photos of us were taken by my lovely sister, Leslie Benjaminson www.LeslieBenjaminson.com

No photos, just words.

Okay, so I know it has been like an eternity and a day since I have last posted here.  Pretty sure I left you last year, promising details of Christmas (and yes, Valentine's Day is in just two mere days... If you makes you feel any better I still have Christmas junk laying around the house...  That's how lazy BUSY I have been!)

SO!  Since my last blog post... 

I quit my job.  I started working hard on my own wedding and event planning business.  I started working hard for other people's small businesses (I run social and new media for a handful of businesses).  I started as the marketing director for my mom's real estate team.  I started working for a builder on weekends, in hopes of selling off his new construction site.

I haven't cleaned my house.  I haven't done laundry in over a month (yes, I have enough underwear... when I backpacked Europe I made sure I had enough to get by for a month and a half!)  I haven't taken my Christmas tree to the dump yet (poor guy is still lying in the back yard!  At least he is not decorated still!)  The dog needs a bath.  My desk has a pile of papers on it, with a small little rectangle of clear space for my mouse and keyboard.  I haven't had a nap or any solid sleep in a lot of nights and days.  I haven't even had time for wine!

WHY?!  WHY?!  WHY is there all of this craziness?  Because going from a job that was easy peasy to running your own business is hard.  I am working so much harder now than I ever worked in my past life.  BUT I am 150% happier now... even with all the new stress of no money.  Having all that crap behind me has made semi-human again.

On top of that... are you ready for this?!  I got engaged!!  

Yep that's right!  Michael finally got with it (actually he had been working on it since November!) and popped the question in an ooooober classy, romantic way.  And being the planner that I am... within 2 weeks I already have half the planning DONE!  Wanna hear all about the proposal?  Come back tomorrow!  YES I PROMISE IT WILL BE HERE!  I will post it at 9am!  Bring your Reading Rainbow mindset because you are going to have a ton to read! See ya then!  xoxo

A 20 Minute Walk in Stein am Rhine

As promised yesterday, I am still boycotting the end of Christmas!  We have a family dinner tonight with some relatives who just came in town... maybe we will drink some gluhwein and pretend the holiday has not passed us by!

I also promised yesterday that I was going to share some photos with you from my snowy afternoon trip to Stein am Rhine, Switzerland.  Here we go!

My Uncle decided a quick afternoon trip to Stein am Rhine would be a great thing for us to do... to fully understand my reservations about this day trip you must understand my Uncle.  Many times in my life he has said "Oh, it's just a quick 20 minute walk" which, when translated from German to English, and Swiss-fit-Uncle to American-out of shape-Niece means the walk will take a minimum of 3 hours.

As we pulled out of their driveway it started to snow.  I'm not talking a little flurry here or there, I'm talking Swiss highways were being shut down!  We continued on with the intent of visiting this little town after driving up to a castle.  Key words being "driving UP."  Thankfully, Uncle Urs decided it probably wasn't the best idea for us to drive up a mountain to a castle, but instead just enjoy the downtown area of Stein am Rhine.

Did I mention it was freakin' cold?!  And did I mention we had a sleepy Benjamin with us?  Again, the kid slept through our entire walk!  (Which was probably a good thing because none of us knew how to put the snow cover on the stroller properly!)

After walking through town we stopped to get some hot tea and cake.  Benjamin woke up and played with some other children that were in the cafe.  Then we bundled back up and headed home.  I will admit, I was not looking forward to this outing one bit... but looking back, it is such a nice memory.  I am just extremely grateful that I wasn't the only one freezing, which meant the "20 minute walk" was not a 3 hour trek!

There are still a few more things to show you from my trip... so stick around!